Springbonjo

You know you really like Portugal when you cried for 2 days after they lost at the Euro finals in 2004, fast forward 2 years now to World Cup, cried after the match semi finals but restrained as in not full on brawl but delicate years only because you had company and you didn’t want to smear your make up, cried the night after when you were alone and cried this morning when the bitchy and tiresome reports in the news of the match aftermath evoked the pain of losing. The penalty that torments and mocks. The nauseating pro-France reports. The criticism of my Portugal.

Figo won’t be donning his colours anymore… Scolari may be leaving. Sigh.

The only time I cried so hard for more days was for You, and I lost my appetite for days.

Seems like my world is collapsing, and You are not around, but it’s precisely that I am taking Portugal’s loss too hard.

Woohoo, Real Madrid and Barcelona, 1-1. It was a good match, the pace was constantly frenzied, what with the two arch rivals in a game. I was also excited when I found it was Barelona pre-match, it’s always a bated breath affair with them, I can never forgive them for beating us in last season’s game- played twice against them, but they beat Madrid the last time.

I hate the fucking referee. REFEREE KAYU. He give Roberto Carlos a yellow card twice, hence he gets a red card and gets sent off. WHAT THE FUCK. I was so pissed I pointed the middle finger at the tv screen when a fucked up piece of shit barce fan waved a red cardboard about in mockery when Roberto Carlos gets the red card. I don’t give a fuck if he’s a little boy- if he’s little and can do such stupid things, he deserves some namecalling, son of a bitch. Many barce fans stood up and cheered when Roberto gets a red card. FUCK YOU ALL AND DIE FUCKERS.

It still makes my blood boil.

Ronaldo shut all of them up when he scored the equaliser in the first half, beautifully against two barce defenders and the goal keeper and flicks it in without a pause. HE DID IT AGAINST THREE OF YOU AND HE BEAT YOU, DIE U FUCKERS. Needless to say, my crazy delirious celebrations of jumping up and down when we score were carried out with punches in the air, plus an uncontained scream of joy risking pissed off disturbed parents were also unsuppressed. Hmm, kinda explains for my sore arm muscles….

Back to the motherfucker referee, he also give Beckham a yellow card, probably after Beckham says something to the linesman. He also makes the Madrid wall move here and there before a free kick and pisses all of the real players. Go and die la. I’m not sure if Zidane gets a yellow card too, during the preparation of the wall for free kick. Stupid referee gives yellow cards to us like no one’s business.

Ronaldinho scored the first goal in a free kick, and in the second half, a stalker or whatever you call mad fans, who break free on the pitch and lugs at Ronaldinho’s legs, before security all pile on the mad shit.

It was a good game, because my real played great. Though I wished we won, it’s not a matter of win or lose, but to shut them up, man, what would I give. Casillas makes many brilliant saves, salutes to him.

Saw some new players, Mejia. He reminds me of the japanese chocolate brand, meiji. I still don’t know what my president and coach look like and names. The commentator let me down, Paul Green Turner, I always thought of him as being pro-madrid, since all matches were always commented by him, but in the match, he was just very neutral, I suppose that goes without saying eh.

I think my hate for Barce is on par with Liverpool now. No, I don’t really hate the clubs, just the fans, because they behaved shamefully, Liverpool fans booing my clubs in a game when they got possesion (fuck, how childish, go and fuck yourself) and mocking Roberto Carlos when he unfairly gets a red card.

DAY 5 (20 DAYS TO GO!!!)

It was a series of coincidences Benedict somehow entered my life. And it’s funny how he’s everything I hate: Liverpool fan, with the police, non vegetarian (he said he would eat KFC chicken in front of me) and so much more, but we get along fairly well.

All within a few seconds. You see, Benedict is my sis’s friend. She passed the phone to me and said her friend would like to talk to me while I was watching Real Madrid play against Deportivo La Coruna last night, which btw, ended as 4-0, Real played wonderfully, with Ronaldo performing brilliantly but no goal to a standing ovation by the crowd. I am proud of my Real. I was like, Uh, and began the conversation with “What club do you support?”

But it was pretty cool that I told him, Don’t let anyone bully her and take care of her. And hours later, 4-ish am my sis passes the phone back to me and says he would like to speak to me and she goes to sleep. We talk more till 6am-ish, and he tells me, how my sis said “I have a beautiful sis, but she has low self confidence.”

I was very touched. I didn’t know she noticed. I didn’t know… because my sister and I are not close.

Of mundane details, that she laments she doesn’t even know my friendster (I deleted it a few months ago).

I cried a little, and he tries to cheer me up, and Benedict is like the bond we never had to draw us close. He tells me things about my sis I don’t even know, and that she wants to ask us out for meals but doesn’t know how to go about it.

I feel so guilty, so sad she’s my sister yet we’re so distant.

I tell him, don’t worry dude, I have my whole freaking life to bond with her… as I said, out of duno how many freaking billion people, she’s my sister.

It was nice, to realise I have a sister with me, after all.

It’s cool, and my sis’s decided to name the orange kitty Boo. Boo it is. Boo follows me around, and it’s sweet. Black Hawk’s leaving tomorrow.

Watch out for negative thoughts; Don’t emphasize on bad moments.

We all fall down- but when you start feeling pity for yourself, blame and hate yourself, begin obsessing over who what when where why how made you fall. Tear your wounds, make it deeper: baby you’re in deep shit.

I realised this, maybe blogging made me look back too much, dwell too much on stupid things.

I forgot how to put things down. I made everything too personal. The phrase “Its nothing personal” didn’t register in my thoughts. It was always I wasn’t too good, they were too bad.

That’s why I focus on making this a happy blog. It took me awhile to think postive, to dump the pessimist shit label.

Pessimistics hold themselves down when others just shit all over them. Don’t. Kick their fucking asses, piss shit and laugh in their faces. Believe in fucking cliches.

Be happy. Pursue your passions. Cultivate patience and understanding.

It’s nothing personal; they can’t handle what a wonderful person you are. They’re jealous or sad people. Tell yourself that when you have mean stupid people.

Why should you not shine, when they try to deflect the sparkle in you?

You’re a gem. Out.

*

stayed up for soccer, real madrid. I still love them.

Beckham didn’t play for the game but was on the bench. Saw afew new faces.

The commentator with his wacky comments: “And it goes to the mooon!” when roberto carlos takes a free kick and it is way out of range. Made me smile.

And when we almost scored a goal, barely just on the goal line, he went, “WOO WOO WOO!!!” or something like that. So freaking funny la.

And the opposite goal keeper just fell into the side lines, behind the goal post when he was knocked over by one of the real players and didn’t get up but disappeared out of sight. I wonder why.

Anyway, game was a draw. But still.

I heart Real Madrid.

*
Some happy perky songs

weezer- island in the sun

franz ferdinand- do you want to

billy idol- mony mony

pussycat dolls feat will.i.am- beep

Ben from work kinda keep mock agitating me today. He kept saying Figo is old and Portugal is lousy. I was so pissed I scolded him a male organ in hokkien- yes, a swear word. And the uncle sitting behind us turned around and looked at me, in shock. Think his impression of me is damn bad already. Woops. I hope he doesn’t complain that I swore.

But uncle… I am not like that T girl from you know what poly in some fornicating video wad… swearing is not bad. It’s a form of free expression. I think people from his generation still thinks girls must not swear, talk quietly and be dominated by men type. Traditional values and conservative shit.

Kept swearing today. Stupid Ben keep lying to me. I know its his way of talking la, like bullshitting alot. But I cannot stand it when he kept critisizing Figo! FIGO IS NOT OLD OK. ASSHAT. He’s one of the greatest players in the world. And he also kept slamming Portugal. Bleah. Argh.

CK sometimes is so mean. I told Jess this. She told me he’s actually introverted and doesn’t know how to really deal with girls. Pfft. I still don’t like it when he snaps at me during work, though not very often.

Fair boy wasn’t at work today. Pretty girl was though, and smiled at me and asked me whether I had taken my sheet of paper. Isn’t she so sweet. Pity she came late and we weren’t based in the same place.

Ooh, gastric today. Been having these head splitting migraines after waking up, from my sleep today and after my nap on the train.

Food log:
3/4 scoop white rice, tomato soup with potatoes and bean curd
vegs
orange squash
1 apple
1 espresso frap light tall
1 coffee with half packet sugar and half packet creamer
some fries

sat:
1 litres soy silk 400 cal
2 tiramisu
6kappa maki
1 corn sushi

sun:
2 espresso frap light venti
fruits
vegs

mon:
1 cup soya milk
3 hot dog roll (hot dog roll as in bread, not hot dog)
1 can baked beans
2 apples

Look at my dark eye circles, tell me I look 17 please. Anyway, Ms.B GOT A NEW PUPPY! I… I have Rocky. Haha. Rocky reminds me of Perfect One. On the day of his 21st birthday party, I bought his present while out with my darl and Rocky for myself. Yeah, nobody buys soft toys for me ok. Point is, I usually get sick of my stuffed toys within a month. It’s almost been a year, and I adore Rocky as ever, he’s the only thing I allow on my bed. In the same month, it was my birthday, and we went out. The last time.

Coincidentally, We used to be friends by The Dandy Warhols played when my playlist is on shuffle. Now it’s Publish my love by Rogue Wave.

I caught last night’s Uefa Champions league, Arsenal V Real Madrid. The day before I didn’t catch Chelsea cuz I was way tired. Yesterday, I only caught the first half… I actually fell asleep in front of the tv during the break. Omg, yeah, and I only woke up when it was 5.54am, with Arsene Wenger being interviewed. So shitty to miss the entire second half. It was a good first half, exciting enough. I was too tired, I should rejoice, for my bedtime has at least become 3-am-ish instead of 6-am-ish.

It’s kinda surreal seeing the coach talking.

I gotta admit Arsenal played better, at least to me. Even when I like both teams, Arsenal dominated the match. Real Madrid were not as attention grabbing to me, because when they had the ball, Arsenal quicky got possesion. First half, Reyes nearly scores a goal, hits the cross bar. Jens Lehman gets a kick in his kneecap, Roberto gets a yellow card.

I love both teams. And I sniggered when I saw Liverpool were goal-less in the first half. I hope the match gets a draw, I like both teams, don’t care. And Liverpool doesn’t get in the next round. Hahah.

Training later. Sucky cuz Jess won’t be there. Hate not taking money. No starbucks today. Library later. Yays.

Food log
yesterday
3 scoops multi grain rice with potatoes and carrots
2 small boiled potatoes
1-4? can’t rmb, slice bonjour pandan bread
1/2 can diet dr pepper
1 bowl vegs
1 espresso frap light tall
1 slice watermelon
? water apples

I just only knew Florentino Perez has left Real Madrid. I should have known. First, it was my Luis Figo to leave, the reason I got acquainted to Real Madrid. Then, other players like Walter Samuel, Morientes from the team of last season’s Primera La Liga were transferred, the coach Luxemburgo for the bulk of time I supported them was sacked and now the president. The one whose face didn’t and couldn’t show emotions whether Real won or not or scored goals, because it is a etiquette in Spain for Presidents of soccer club seated next to another never to celebrate goals and results, it is rude. I remember him clenching a closed fist and jerking just the very least so it was discreet during one of the many games I tuned in for Real and they had scored a goal. It seems the Real Madrid I loved… has changed. The galatico team, constantly under criticism has evidently failed to be a success with the tout of having the entire squad of star players. I had learned and knew the team, despite my heart breaks when they lost, I cheered as lustily when they won.

So many memories, me with Real Madrid. It is private, because I watched matches by myself, having no fellow real madrid supporters. All the late nights I dragged myself out of bed when I had normal sleeping times, just for you. All the days I considered great just because we won the night before, and you made my day. All the times I bickered passionately for you with guys from other clubs who scorned you. All the heart stopping moments and disappointments when by the final whistle we lost. All the indignance and frustrations when jeered by lame oppositions fans, unfair referees and low down opposition players. Remember the match with the bomb scare against Real Sociedad? We had to replay the match though it was just 2 minutes from the final whistle. Or the closed door match, with no fans, but just us and the other team, Roma who were punished for it. And the racist fans from Deportivo who taunted Ronaldo and Roberto Carlos and prior to this, the reports racist issue in the soccer world? You fought well, but it wasn’t enough. You played wonderfully to me, it was the world to me, but it wasn’t enough.

Goodbye my Real… with the resignation of the President, it ends, the last of the Real I loved so much.

Back hurts like fuck- I’m so going to see hot men in white. Pfft. Mom rubbed my back for me yesterday after I complain my back hurts. Worst.

I can’t believe I have eaten 6? 8? slices of bread and 2 cups coffee already today. Yesterday was like, either 6 slices pandan bread, 2 coffee frap light, raisin rolls, peanut butter. Day before was more bread, 2 freaking ice cream cones, 3 pieces of crackers. Very bad week. So junk-y.

But I feel thinner, you know, like some days you feel thin or something. I hate my back, I slouch in front of the tv… and getting up would result in me yelping an oww to the air.

Inter Milan drew to Ajax 2-2. But I saw my Figo, he played wonderfully. I think Inter Milan is fantastic. I didn’t manage to catch it live- stupid cable wire problems, but caught the repeat the next night.

Poor neighbours. They were probably bewildered by the angry cries of “ARRRRGH!!!” when goals were missed by a yard; “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!” when inter scored; “OOOOOOI!” when ajax played dirty and more very loud screams and sounds randomly- I can’t help it, I was as surprised you know, been a while since I followed so close to a game- ie involuntary screams and gasps when you are so caught up in the beautiful game.

At least it was 8-ish at night then in the middle of the night… been a long time since I felt the wild anticipation of the game- yeah, my Figo, he’s the man.

I haven’t felt too close to madrid since Figo left… and even more when Luxemburgo left(the coach). Figo was the reason I supported real, and fell in love with them. When he left, it sucks to not see his name in the pre match line up… and Morientes also left. The original team, and then even the coach left, the head of my beloved team, the one who had been there ever since I started supporting them hardcore left. I don’t even know the new coach’s name.

Anyway, arsenal is like my number two club I support, so was feeling neutral about the win, a draw would be better seeing its both clubs I like.

Reyes was wonderful as always, and to be honest, I think Arsenal is the better skilled among the two. They stood no chance against Henry who scored and arsenal’s constant attacks.

INTER MILAN MATCH TONIGHT! THERE IS A GOD.