Springbonjo

Who knew colouring 4 pieces of crap takes ages? I think, in total, perhaps 6-7 hours. And no, I didn’t move around to slack but intense concentration.

Here will see a cease of activity- I’m moving to another blog. Not much time for updates, nor do I like the fact this is acessible to certain people.

So colour me pretty, off. Email for the new url. Adios.

Plural form are letters strung together- pictures speak thousands of those, actions louder.

Suppose I saw what you wrote in your messaging display- ironic, one is kisses, the other wicked game you play. The one that I wished was mine wasn’t, and the one I wished isn’t is.

Suppose I told you I only smoked 2 sticks today- big deal, because it is so.

Suppose I cancelled tuition and took a break- only to find myself still as disoragnised, fatigued, lack of sleep and no work done.

Suppose mommy is way more controlling and suspicious- she would spot my cigarette box in the car in the morning, and why huge amounts of food disappear, followed by mine to the bathroom.

Suppose by magic, I would get my composition and final draft done for my basic drawing.

Suppose, irrelevantly- I hate all of you.

My darl’s in vietnam, my lover boy in Indonesia. I suppose I could do myself good and scoot off to malaysia, I wouldn’t mind a walk down KL But oh the restrains and hassle by Money. I think we have a culprit.

I would like to show you a picture I took- but since my bill is unpaid my line got cut off so no mms. Got off work after only an hour and a half, because I was too tired.

A funny sort of day, I could get used to this. I am frustrated, I only want my projects to be done with-

Could it be any tougher?

The smell of vomit on my shirt.

The song repeating on my MP3 player- yeah I got one. It’s me and you- like how I deleted most of your messages, 3 months ago. How time flies…
On the cafe pavement, I read through your messgaes and deleted them. But some, still touched my heart.

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART
Bonnie Tyler

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you’re never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I’m lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you’ll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you’ll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there’s no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there’s nothing any better and there’s nothing I just wouldn’t do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Heard a rocking song on the radio. Although I loved the music, the meaning of the song put me off. Basically about cheating. How come there are more and more songs about infidelity? I certainly don’t want my boyfriend if I do have any (stop laughing ) to sing/dedicate this to me one day when I think I love him (which I don’t ever think I want to) .

I love the lead’s voice, the song. Pity the message sucks. Why can’t they make it a love song? Unrequited love… not infidelity.

Cold rainy days these days.

Omg, I can’t believe I am likely to go shooting with my ex. EX- how weird. I missed him. I bet it would be awkward, but bitter sweet to see him again. No love, just a blind walk through impulses. I hope I didn’t hurt him.

*

Lips Of An Angel lyrics
By Hinder

Honey why are you calling me so late
It’s kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can’t be too loud
Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It’s funny that you’re calling me tonight
And yes I’ve dreamt of you too
And does he know you’re talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don’t think she has a clue
Well my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those wordsa it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it so hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late

Once upon a time, there was a stick who loved going around dipping itself in shit. Therefore, it was a dipshit. Now Dipshit loved dipping itself in other people’s shit and going around exclaiming: “OMG! THIS SHIT CAME FROM XYZ’S SHIT! Look how it stinks! Doesn’t XYZ stink?? OMG XYZ SUCKS! XYZ is (insert random insult).”

Clueless Dipshit didn’t know it was the source of shit and extreme fetor, because it was too busy declaring how other people’s bowels stink.

Everybody has bowels you know, I can understand if you’re constipated and that’s why you dip yourself in people’s shit out of sheer envy and is an angry insecure soul…but dipping yourself in them and claiming they stink… well, look who’s the biggest stench of all eh?

The month of September would be hectic, cans of redbull would be consumed, daily. Sleep would occasionally come, but chances of a heavy one is extremely little.

The daily elements would be oncoming Projects, tutoring, work. That leaves about an average of 4 hours of sleep a day. Have a nice day.

*

Teh tarik boy and the whole coffeeshop asked for my number for him. Man. Still it’s damn cute la.

*

I love how the way I walk home and think, my life is a fulfilling one. I love how I know I didn’t waste my day. A meaningful day, school, a little bit of precious chill out time with my friends with a skinny mocha to warm me up on a rainy cold day, tutoring, hang out and dinner with Jess- singing our hearts out while walking in the cold lovely evening, a yummy meal of masala dhosai which really stuffed me cuz I was full after a few bites and I bloody hate to waste food so I finished the whole thing, and teh tarik.

Why can’t you see it too?

one of whom I regard close to my heart and important, said I’ve changed. Just because I inhale Nicotine more, means I have changed. Just because I have tuned out nonsense and learned not to take things to heart which I did a year ago and got into depression and was the biggest pessimistic bitch ever in my life, and now I am rather optimistic, a word I swore is not applicable to me at least half a year ago means, tada, not the old becca but a CHANGED one.

Maybe I should have mentioned the fact I am a Christian. Because if I smoke and it is enough for you to think I have changed, then being a Christian meant I am more different and have, that’s right, CHANGED.

I am hurt to think, you think I am this “grown up” person with an escaptist attitude. These past days were nice, because it was almost like when we were close.

I am too exhausted to chase after you. I hope you would wake up and see things. That my life is finally going somewhere, my dreams are near. That it is comfortable, not the best, but I can smile, without feeling rotten and knowing I wouldn’t cry in the dark because I hated myself and the world and wanted to die everyday.

*

Today I missed school because I couldn’t wake up on time. In my dreams I had a husband whom I was in his lap, and he held me while I lied on his shoulder. But I knew I didn’t love him, he didn’t gaze at me with adoring eyes, but the aloofness macho man did. My heart panged, because it wasn’t love, but security that drove me in his arms.

Waking up, and knowing, it’s still hollow. I miss you so much, everyday.

*

Jess and I have been having rendezvous nightly, almost for the past weeks. And we kept going to the teh tarik place, where there is a glass panel behond the cashier, with a golden haired youth doing the dishes who would stare at us when we bought our drinks.

Today the boy smiled and waved at me. Haha. And asked for my number. So funny. A smile on my face, because his candidness is adorable.

No I am not dating him or gave him my number, but it’s adorable he gestured to his co worker I smiled at him when he waved so happily.

2 iced teh tarik, a half eaten red bean bun and the best sister I ever have. Nope, not at the teh tarik place.

Things, I hope, are falling back into place.

Okay here’s a last post before I ought to get to work- meaning I have to select my photos for tomorrow’s lesson.

A phone call to my lil bro, teh tarik, red bean bun, Jess, cigs, money.

Yays.

I love teh tarik from the coffeeshop near my house, from a halal coffeeshop.

TIRED TIRED TIRED

Still have tons of stuff to do-

You all mean alot to me.

Bloody hell, some bitch stepped on my flip flops, and it is held together by sticky tape. Blah.

Hope tomorrow is a rocking day.

Photoshoot today. Photoshoots always make my day- though today’s was probably a little tinge of sadness with fatigue. I miss… him.

Happy anyway, caught up with JASMINE AR!

Bloody hell I am broke, with $0 on me. I hate being poor. Spent on my money on fucking batteries. I now realised how “flat” my pictures are after getting honest feedback and self evaluation by comparing with a pro pics. SIGH.

No composition at all.

*

Am so hungry now, but it’s 3.30am, and I can’t eat because I will get fat.

Pluto is no longer a planet… kinda sad, like demoted. But somehow you start to doubt things, like rock solid facts, the sun rises from the east and crap- heck maybe everything is wrong!

Ok I got to go to bed. Have to work on a Sunday- sigh. Why does it seem I work my ass off and am still too broke?