Springbonjo

Today was the first day of school after 2 weeks of term break- I have assesments to rush, work to be started, classmates to hang out with.

I love school, love school. What a shitty way to start school with my fucking make up pouch missing- went to report loss at Seiyu (lost it in the loo)by getting up bright and early with a lift from my parents, and the very nice Customer Service staff burst out laughing when I finished filling in the form and said in frustration “Make up pouch also want to take.”

Had very first print making lesson today.

My printmaking teacher commented I loved to attract attention- I’m not in the mood to be cheeky, witty and humorous- I was interacting with my Jas and Kitty you motherf#2#%$@. I can’t help it if you are in earshot.

Actually didn’t take it to heart- she helped me ink my acrylic sheet when I was half heartedly inking mine, with the comment “You never eat lunch ar?”

Right you are.

I need to be more meticulous, creative in my designs. But printmaking is pretty alright.

I tried Starbucks Strawberries and Cream today, light of course. It’s yummy, especially for a strawberry lover like me.

Craving for my Mocha. Love the song Sexy back. Actually I just want to play virtual shooting games and kill all the bastards,

Becca’s back, I’m rocking the world as ever.

I am missing you- that was what flooded my water gates. I think, that it used to be just a dial on my mobile, and we are connected. The hours are always wonderful, you are special. I tired dialling your number, although I know it’s useless.

Maybe a failed romance, or rather, whatever it may be since it’s not even past the dating stage, made me look back in the things I tried to hide. I used my crush to be You, I wanted him to make me happy like you do. I wanted everything you gave me, and when you were gone, I channeled my energy into deceive, that my crush was as good as you- distracted by a new person in my life.

But I realised, your importance, that you are not replaceable.

The camera I took pictures with you would be returned to Jess in an hour or so-

And the only physical object closes this chapter, both guys in my life, interwined by a camera and the images are gone, the camera back to its owner, and I sit here, wishing that I could have what I wanted.

I cried during the wee hours of the morning whilst watching CSI. Things haven’t been great- thank God I have Jas and Kitty, without whom days would be bleak.

I lost my first make up pouch, no thanks to my stupid absent minded-ness… I walked away with my stuff in it worth up to $50, not alot, but I am a poor starving artist to be. I am so unhappy, but at least my realising of losing it when I was home, hours later, and being frustrated; allowed me to vent the things I have been keeping inside for the past few days… I hope I find my stuff untouched, I hope so.

Jas tells me I look unhappy… it’s touching that she knows what I do not say.

I will be fine as always, for I live for myself, not for Love. I would fulfil my dreams, and find happiness… though a small part of me will always be in pain.