Springbonjo

Playlists are a challenge to me. I can’t get it right. It’s always the song is too loud, too sad, too fast, overplayed, underplayed.

And it’s always too many songs, from all albums, while I play only a select few over and over.

Playlists are a challenge.

So I’m ashamed to say I did some browsings- I don’t have a friendster account anymore, but my sis has one. And since she knows Benedict…

His ex seems great. The kind guys would fall for- you know. Mouldable. The creepy thing was we both were sick and lost weight in the begining of May 04. Did I mention… she’s a pro baller while I’m… I’m not good in anything.

I’m difficult and eccentric, and so bossy. I swear, I pissed him off with my crazy ideas.

No one’s going to tie me down.

I don’t have special feelings for him, but you still feel inadequate, like, well. You know.

I’m kinda boy crazy huh.

Day 9 ( 16DAYS)

So I just called TP, and by next week I would get the nay or yay sign. I hate my job. I’ve taken up a second one, and it’s rather hierarchal. I cannot stand the oppresiveness. My first job, I haven’t turn up for work for three times now, and I don’t know whether to quit or stay on.

I’m thinking of dumping all for a new job. It’s in a pub. But then again, I’ll probably be too lazy to even call.

So far, my total money earned from working is so pathetic. I cannot even buy a nano, that’s how pathetic it is. Fuck. I can barely buy a shuffle.

My back hurts, I’ve been exhausted. I’m too lazy to even eat, go figure.

*

Benedict asks me to be his bitch. Something along the lines of, us being togther for 2 weeks and two days, and then when Ben comes home I go find Ben. Because I was whining about my Ben not being home for 16 days. I don’t know if he’s being serious or joking.

Yes, absolutely scandalous- if it weren’t that I had done something like this before; a one week boyfriend.

Benedict talks to me in a baby-ish voice. I feel like smacking him sometimes. It may be I’m just violent. But come on, the last time a boy talked to me like that was my ex.

I feel like a player, but players are people who cheat right, and I’m single and none of these boys have told me they liked me nor me, so it’s nothing wrong.

RIIIIGHT?

I feel like a juggler with a sudden increase in testerone in my life. Nothing too wild, just that its funny how they all react in the same way when I threaten to hang up on the phone- usually they give in to whatever silly arguments, good natured banter. It’s funny how they all either go shy or brazen when the topics are, not for children.

No, I am not dating them- nor them me. Just friends and all. The heart’s still with him.

*

Today I got approached by a young man as I was riding the escalator. He gave me a start. It’s the second time I have gotten approached by Imodels. I think they’re suspicious, from hearsay and modelling things are generally gimmicks, and so I didn’t turn up for some interview with them on Wednesday, yesterday, only to be asked for my details by the man today.

I didn’t know how to reject him, just let him finish his say, and prior to that when he started to talk to me I told him I already had that card. I gave him my number, because, like I said, I don’t do rejects well. I wonder what will the agency think when they see my name and number again.

I’m not model material… I feel like laughing and telling them “Who are you kidding?” and pondered about how everyone wants to be a model or something, famous and all.

*

I wana drink coffee. I binge drink coffee in a bad mood. So shoot me.

7 DAYS (18 DAYS BEFORE HE’S HOME!)

I do daily blogging- so when I don’t touch the computer and go online, I itch for it.

Was basically working my ass off yesterday, and playing today. It was spent with an old friend- a boy whom and I used to be more then friends, in a way. More about that in later posts.

I’m Beyonce crazy for now. Cuz I’m nuts over her check on it song, and the last great show I watched was Pink Panther and I loved it. I think she is damn damn pretty- and she makes me feel okay about my hips.

I miss BEEEEEEEEEEEN.

*

Half time now, Inter Milan V Villareal in Champions league, score is 1-1, Adriano scored in 7th minute. Some villareal player (I don’t bother with opponents’ names and all) scored in the first minute.

No Figo- my hyped up happiness in seeing him was in vain. Tired like hell, but I decided I’m going to stick it out and support Inter- though it’s awfully lacklustre without Figo, seems meaningless.

*
Stole this from Little Dowager’s blog. If you have noticed, I’ve done a bio about myself on the right column. More meme huh.

1 Birthdate?
30 May 1988

2 Place of birth?
Singapore

3 Blood type?
I duno… no one bothered to test the blood group from my year onwards or something.

4 Height?
163 +

5 Weight?
Too heavy for my liking

6 Shoe size?
6

7 Work? Study?
Some stupid places- hate work. I wana start school NOW

8 Childhood nickname?
Small Bee (translated from chinese, hokkien, little B, B as in baby- I’m the baby of the family)

9 Average hours you sleep in a day?
6 hrs min, 12hours max

10 Time you go to bed?
depends, but it’s 4-ish and onwards

11 Any siblings?
my sister

12 Eyesight – short-sighted, long-sighted or perfect?
perfect with astig contact lenses

13 What languages do you speak?
English, chinese. Curse in hokkien

14 What languages would you like to speak?
Portuguese, spanish, italian

15 Nickname on Messenger?
Currently: this for meinu Come back soon okay-18 days

16 What do you collect?
Nothing

17 Model of handphone you are using?
7610 nokia

18 What is on your shopping list?
flip flops, jacket, earring….

19 Favourite t-shirt brand?
roxy, rip curl

20 Favourite cut of jeans?
anything that flatters my ass

21 Favourite fashion designer?
Karl Lagerfeld

22 Favourite clothing label?
none in specific

23 Favourite shoe label?
nike

24 Favourite bag label?
adidas

25 Most dominant colour in your wardrobe?
black and white

26 Most worn-pair of shoes?
slippers

27 Favourite shampoo?
sunrider

28 Favourite conditioner?
dun use

29 Favourite bath product?
none in specific

30 Favourite facial product?
sunrider

31 Favourite cosmetics?
sunrider

32 Favourite art movement?
si mi lan

33 Favourite artist?
lesley harrison and spiderman artists

34 Favourite gallery?
my photo gallery

35 Favourite cold drink?
starbucks frap light

36 Favourite hot drink?
cappucino and herbal tea

37 Favourite flavour of ice-cream?
duno

38 Favourite cuisine?
jap, malay, thai, indian, italian…

39 Favourite sandwich?
im sick of bread

40 Favourite cake?
tiramisu

41 Favourite chocolate?
forgot the name

42 Favourite fast food?
hate fast food

43 Favourite sushi?
kappa maki

44 Favourite breakfast?
coffee- generally i dun have breakfast la. u wan more crap, kissing the one i love- that’s a GREAT breakfast. there, made u sick. hahahahahah. okay, my best memory of breakfast was when I was in Oz with my band in 2000- scrambled eggs and bacon and orange juice, bread rolls and magarine. So it would be orange juice or something now, w/o the bacon- coffee actually.

45 Spaghetti – tomato, cream or pesto sauce?
tomato

46 Beef – rare, medium rare, medium, well-done?
I’m vegetarian

47 Restaurant you frequent most?
sakae sushi

48 Best dining experience?
With my family

49 Worst dining experience?
At causeway’s swensens- waitress was very rude

50 Favourite book?
too many

51 Favourite movie?
spiderman

52 Favourite artist writer?
spiderman creators

53 Favourite actor?
Dylan Mcdermott, Ryan Reynolds

54 Favourite actress?
Sandra Bullock

55 Favourite record?
iris by goo goo dolls

56 Favourite singer?
jon bon jovi

57 Favourite band?
bon jovi

58 Favourite lyrics?
I’ll be there for you

59 Favourite TV show?
Whose line is it anyway, desperate housewives etc etc

60 Favourite newspapers?
the one that absorbs shit and urine the best when i clean my kitty

61 Favourite magazine?
teen vogue

62 Favourite flower?
fragrant flawless ones

63 Favourite animal?
ALL

64 Favourite country?
S’pore and Portugal

65 Favourite street (in your country)?
Wad sia- none in particular

66 Favourite street (overseas)?
Ocean Avenue, USA

67 Favourite sport?
SOCCER

68 Scariest movie?
Ring

69 Funniest movie?
Scary Movie

70 Favourite leisure activity?
Play

71 Favourite public transport?
car

72 Favourite weather?
sunshine

73 Dream honeymoon destination?
hawaii

74 Computer you use?
the one with cpu, monitor, mouse, keyboard

75 Wallpaper on your computer?
plain faux apple shit

76 Screen saver on your computer?
Window

77 How many hours on the internet a day?
depends

78 Favourite blog?
i surf many blogs, so its none in particular really

79 Favourite news site?
thegossipist

80 Favourite site?
varies

81 First pet?
fish

82 Favourite cartoon from childhood?
xmen and batman

83 Favourite toy from childhood?
teddy bears

84 What makes you smile?
when my muscle around my mouth contracts or shit

85 What makes you cry?
when my tear ducts well up or shit

86 Which celebrity would you like to be?
the rich skinny one, who jetsets around the world, and gets to snog hot men

87 What colour would you be if you are a crayon?
red

88 If you can go back in time, which period would you want to be in?
2000

89 If you can have your own business, what would you venture into?
cafe i think, or something

90 What TV program would you like to go on?
America’s Next top model, Amazing Race, Survivor, Laguna Beach……..

91 How satisfied are you with your current situation?
not bad la. Much much happier

92 What would you rather be doing if you have a choice?
duh be fucking rich

93 The most important thing that has happened in your life?
uhhhhhhhhhh, most important? kinda hard, think it’s be when I’m overseas, so it’d be when i get to travel

94 What do you think you’ll be doing 5 years down the road?
hopefully globetrotting

95 Most desired now?
the one who’s coming back in 18 days

96 Biggest worry now?
Money… and weight, like all the time.

97 Most unforgettable incident?
none in particular i guess

98 New year resolution?
to lose weight

99 Your motto in life?
Be positive

100 Who do you want to answer “100 Things About Me”?
All reading this- I wana know about you too!

I’ve been swearing like a sailor. Blame it on the recent company I’m hanging out with, and no, I’m not putting it in a negative way, just that I swear beforehand but it’s been increasing to excessive usage, just the environment. I’m also tempted to smoke.

And I just saw something which rather put me off. This person wrote, how she wouldn’t count on her child, if not being aesthically pleasing, worthy of love. Something like that.

Fuck you. No seriously, I won’t want to, cuz she doesn’t turn me on, but fuck. You won’t love a person cuz he/she is ugly and fat?

We all go for looks. But if you don’t love your flesh and bone just cuz he ain’t looking like some fine boned bastard…

No wonder people binge, people turn to food when they’re depressed. People have body image issues. Stupid shallow people like you who post up posts of “being pro-ana” and using it casually, when the illness is not a joke.

It’s cuz of people like that. When your own parents scrutinise you, make you feel ugly.

Just remember, as you’re criticizing their bodies-

IT’S YOUR FUCKING GENES YOU FUCKER. THINK ABOUT IT.

DAY 5 (20 DAYS TO GO!!!)

It was a series of coincidences Benedict somehow entered my life. And it’s funny how he’s everything I hate: Liverpool fan, with the police, non vegetarian (he said he would eat KFC chicken in front of me) and so much more, but we get along fairly well.

All within a few seconds. You see, Benedict is my sis’s friend. She passed the phone to me and said her friend would like to talk to me while I was watching Real Madrid play against Deportivo La Coruna last night, which btw, ended as 4-0, Real played wonderfully, with Ronaldo performing brilliantly but no goal to a standing ovation by the crowd. I am proud of my Real. I was like, Uh, and began the conversation with “What club do you support?”

But it was pretty cool that I told him, Don’t let anyone bully her and take care of her. And hours later, 4-ish am my sis passes the phone back to me and says he would like to speak to me and she goes to sleep. We talk more till 6am-ish, and he tells me, how my sis said “I have a beautiful sis, but she has low self confidence.”

I was very touched. I didn’t know she noticed. I didn’t know… because my sister and I are not close.

Of mundane details, that she laments she doesn’t even know my friendster (I deleted it a few months ago).

I cried a little, and he tries to cheer me up, and Benedict is like the bond we never had to draw us close. He tells me things about my sis I don’t even know, and that she wants to ask us out for meals but doesn’t know how to go about it.

I feel so guilty, so sad she’s my sister yet we’re so distant.

I tell him, don’t worry dude, I have my whole freaking life to bond with her… as I said, out of duno how many freaking billion people, she’s my sister.

It was nice, to realise I have a sister with me, after all.

It’s cool, and my sis’s decided to name the orange kitty Boo. Boo it is. Boo follows me around, and it’s sweet. Black Hawk’s leaving tomorrow.

I dreamt of my boy today. I cannot remember most of it already… but was very very happy in the dream, to even see him.

The dream… it was some resort/entertainment park… and that it was in a crowded mac donald’s. And he was making his way towards me.

And then I was woken up by someone calling me on my mobile… and the dream ended, abruptly.

DAY 4 (21 DAYS BEFORE I CAN SEE HIM AGAIN!!!!!)

I have a chalazion (kuh-LAY-zee-on) as of 0538.

I should have gone to bed when I felt my vision blurring. Had a great night, talking to my darl. With her accusing me of not responding to her and me ironing out the misunderstanding that I was simply away from the computer and hence didn’t reply to her nudges online yesterday. With me stating she doesn’t know who is my boy, my fetish (spiderman comics), my weight loss/gain, my favourite song, my favourite food etc.

It’s been awhile since we went out, the last was probably in February.

With her making up by having a Q and A, me asking her the questions about me and her answering so she can show I’m not that far off to her after all, and us getting sidetracked with me and her being as dirty as can be. I got my horny part from her. Lets say things were about boobies and lots of boobies, jokes we know. It’s great to share a private joke, that I won’t get judged nor be scrutinised for my brand of humour.

With jun asking my darl who’s ben and me asking Jun what Ben you asked my darl about, and Jun getting hyped up for me. Man I love those bitches, it’s been awhile.

I suppose I can choose to fret that I will be working only one job after all, the second job was delayed till now, and my friend was very sorry, but its not her fault at all- just that I had waited very long for the job and to not get it. I was feeling damn down, but my darl saved the day.

My darl also told me someone thought I was her steady. Haha. And it reminded me back when I die also don’t want to hold hands with my darl, die also don’t want to tell others she is my stead, even for fun.

Now if you’ll ask me to hold hands and kiss her, I will.

I’ve stopped worrying, and the fact we held hands once in Heeren and this bunch of motherfucker mats loudly jeered at us for being “BUTCH!”

If it happened again, I’ll scream back “YEAH AND WHATS UR MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEMS MATS! WHATS UR MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEM U FUCKANATHANS?!?!?!”

I’m tougher, and I’m cooler. I don’t give a fuck about such stupid anal assholes anymore. I’ll defend and be stupid, even if its not what it seems like.

I love my bitches… and I long for the days we hang out again.

Pussycat Dolls ft Will.I.Am- Beep

Chorus]
[Will. I. Am]
It’s funny how a man only thinks about the *BEEP*
You got a real big heart, but I’m lookin’ at ya *BEEP*
You got a real big brains, but I’m lookin’ at ya *BEEP*
Girl it ain’t no pain, let me lookin’ at ya *BEEP*
[Pussycat Dolls]
I don’t give a *BEEP*
Keep lookin’ at my *BEEP*
‘Cos it don’t mean a thing if you lookin’ at my *BEEP* (Hah)
I’m a do my thing, while you playin’ with ya *BEEP*
Hahahahahahaha

Every boys the same, since I’ve been in seventh grade
They been tryin’ to get with me, tryin’ to (hahaha hahaha)
They always got a plan, to be my one ‘n’ only man
Wanna hold me with their hands, wanna (hahaha hahaha)

I keep turnin’ them down, but they always come around
Askin’ me to go around, that’s not the way it’s goin’ down
‘Cos they only want, only want, my (nahaha nahaha)
Only want what they want, but (nahaha nahaha)

[Chorus]

Do you know that ‘no’ don’t mean ‘yes’, means ‘no’?
So just hold up, wait a minute; let me put my two cents in ‘n’ one!
Just be patient, don’t be rushin’ like ya anxioushin’, two
You’re just too aggressive, tryin’ to get your (Ahh)

Do you know, that I know?
‘N’ I don’t, wanna go
Yeh they only want, only want, my (hahaha hahaha)
Only want what they want, but (nahaha nahaha)

[Chorus]

Ooh, you got it bad, I can tell
You want it bad, but don’t yell
But what you got from me is somethin’ I, somethin’ I don’t need
(Hey)

[Chorus] x 2